Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I officially have a KINDERGARTNER folks!  I still cannot believe that Skyler is old enough and healthy enough to go to school.  Each time I drop him off I have the biggest smile on my face and tears in my eyes.  It truly is a miracle and something I have been looking forward to since I was pregnant with my little man and something he deserves more than anyone I know.  I just cannot express in words the love and admiration I have for him and his continued courage in the face of all the many trials he has had to endure at such a young age.


This is the start of a new chapter in our lives.  Along with starting school we have moved into our new place.  Talk about one hectic week but we have finally started getting settled into our new home and Skyler's new school routine.  It has definitely been an adjustment for him too.  He is really struggling with trying to find his identity right now.  He is still in the midst of receiving chemo everyday and struggling with the after effects of such a harsh road of his cancer journey, and now trying to fit in a normal life with the rest of his school mates and trying to move past cancer being so much of his identity.  He is starting to get upset when he sees the things I post on here about him and doesn't like talking about his PICC or his hearing aids or his scars.  I have decided to respect his wishes and think its time to take a break from blogging for awhile.


This blog has been such a big part of my life these past two years and has not only been my way of keeping family and friends updated about his treatments, but it has been a form of therapy and healing for me.  I learned the hard way after my husband died that keeping my feelings in and hidden from the everybody was the wrong way to go about things.  I tried to block everything out and just go numb.  I just had to pretend that that my part of my life didn't exist because it was just too painful to think about.  With Skyler I too have had to block out some parts that are just too painful to think about or go there again, things that were too hard and too personal to write down for the world to see, but for the most part I have put everything out there.  I have been able to put my feelings down in words, get them off my chest and move on. It has also been my way of opening eyes the way mine were that kids get cancer too.  The word that grown adults are scared to hear, kids hear them as well.  Its an ugly world that doesn't get much attention and is extremely underfunded.  Our kids deserve so much more.  If I have helped in anyway to give these kids that know suffering more than most a voice than I am happy.


 I don't know who reads this blog but it somehow makes things easier knowing that there are people out there who know what we are going through and have helped carry me through this process with the support of just reading what I have to say. We have received so much support and so many of my prayers have been answered by such wonderful people, some whom I have never even met in person.  I am in awe of the generosity we have received and the many amazing friendships I have been able to make throughout this process.  I have come to really know that you can never really fully understand pure joy and happiness without experiencing pain and sadness.  It just makes you appreciate things so much more and look at the world so differently.  Thank you to everyone that has helped ease the pain and burden that having a child with cancer brings.  I just cant imagine going through this alone.  Thank you just doesn't seem like enough though.  I wish I could personally hug and thank each and every person that has been there for us through this cancer journey, but I cant.  There are far more people than I can count that will forever hold a special place in my heart.


We are still far from done with cancer.  Skyler still has another year and a half of chemotherapy treatments if everything continues as planned, but for now our lives need to be focused on moving on and beginning this new exciting chapter of our lives.  I am still very involved with CureSearch though and still have our team for the walk.  I have a page set up on facebook to keep everyone updated on the walk and helping people get registered for Team Super Skyler so you can still follow us there http://www.facebook.com/#!/teamsuperskyler


And to my amazing, strong, courageous, funny, handsome sweet boy with a heart of gold, I LOVE YOU!  I love you more than words can say, to infinity and beyond.  You are a true superhero in every sense of the word.  I am so proud and lucky to be your mother!  I don't know what I did in our previous life to be able to get the privilege to be your mother but am so grateful.  You are my life and I cant wait to see what this world has in store for you.  It must be something amazing because you sure are here for a reason.  You fought and beat all the odds that were stacked up against you.  You can achieve anything you set your mind to sweet boy because you have already showed the world that you can!!


Love,
Mom



 

21 comments:

Prancer Pie said...

I'll miss hearing from you, but so happy for you and Skyler. I've been reading your blog from the beginning, just never commented. Have prayed for your little man daily. Good luck on the move and enjoy kindergarten, Skyler. XOXO-Tonya Woodruff (signed in from my cat blog - ha ha)

Laurie said...

Crystal, That was beautifully said. I too want to thank all of you for your love and support to Crystal,Skyler and all of our family. This journey has been the hardest thing our family has gone through and words cannot express how grateful I am to all of you for your love and support shown towards Crystal and Skyler. There truly are angels all around us who have helped to bare our burdens. We thank you and love you! Crystal you are an amazing mother! Your dedication, love and attention to all the details has been critical in keeping Skyler here. We love you and are proud of you.
Love,
Mom and Dad

Tonya said...

I wish you and Skyler the best. We will continue our prayers for Skyler and your family. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of Skyler's journey. I will miss seeing Skylers' sweet smile. Good luck Skyler in Kindergarten, you will love it!!Stay tough and know that there will always be people that care about you and are rooting for you. Crystal-What a wonderful mother you are, you should be very proud of Skyler, but of yourself also. Again, thank you for allowing us to come along the journey with you. We wish you the very best, and will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
Tonya

Melissa said...

your blog has changed me. You opened my eyes to childhood cancer and you were so brave to share your journey with the world. Thank you for sharing the past 2 years of your life. I am SO glad Skyler is healthy enough for school and I hope he loves it. I will miss reading your blog, but will watch your FB updates:) I wish you both the very best!!!!!!

The Hernandez Family said...

I will definitely miss your blog...but we are friends on fb, so hopefully you will keep updating on there!

Whit said...

I have been following your blog since its beginning. I cant tell you how many prayers were said by me that Skyler would get to live a normal life as a kid. Sure the next 1.5 years are going to still involve treatment, but he is finally getting to experience life. I commend you for always being on Skylers side and for allowing him to try and get away from the identity of cancer. You and Skyler both amaze me. I wish you all the best! Whitney

suzie said...

OH MY GOODNESS.......how INCREDIBALY much I am gonna miss hearing abt ur lil SUPER DUDE!! Myself, my hub and 2 kiddos hve come to absolutely love love ur Skyler!! I am so happy to see his darling smile and to hear he is doing good and understand him wanting privacy. He is Never Ever forgotten in r prayer and NVER will be...we are going to miss him so bad, but hope nothing but the BEST and progression! We truly love u guys! Thank u thank u thank u for letting us get to know Skyler! He is my inspiration and ultimate HERO!! We will miss u SUPER SKYLER......have a GREAT school year..u big kindergartener you!!! :)

*Suzie

Ashleigh said...

I hope you'll still keep us posted from time to time. We sure love your little superhero! I am so happy for you and him that's healthy and going to school. What an incredible blessing. I hope he has a great school year!

Briana said...

Yeah, I echo Ashleigh - we would love to hear periodic updates about all the great things he's doing - if it feels right. :) You and Skyler are amazing! We are so happy and privileged to know you guys. You have inspired and touched us and we know that miracles happen. Love you guys!

Tukuafu's said...

You are such a wonderful example of strength.. and don't get me started on Sky! I work with your BIL Todd and have LOVED watching and hearing about your journey.. cried when you cried.. smiled when you smiled.. Just wanted you to know that I look up to the both of you and appreciate you sharing your story!

Jacob and Kimberly Palmer said...

I honestly have no idea how I came upon your blog, but I have been following for the past year and I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate you sharing your feelings.

It has been therapeutic for me to blog since losing my twins last year and being able to read about other people that have been/are going through trials of their own has helped to lift me up.

Thank you for sharing! I will miss your blog, but I am happy for you and Skyler to start a new chapter in your lives. I will continue to pray for you and Skyler through his treatments.

kate said...

I'm going to miss hearing from you and seeing pictures of Skyler. Your blog has opened my eyes to a world I never knew existed and gave me a cause to fight for. Thank you! I will see you guys at the Cure Search walk. Take care of yourself and your little man.

Emily said...

Yay Skyler! I hope he has a blast in Kindergarten. I wish you both all the best.

Plain Jame said...

So excited for Skyler to be in Kindergarten and open up a new chapter in his life. Just writing this puts tears in my eyes, as 2 years ago was such a huge scary question of he would see this day - and here he is! He fought so hard! I have no questions or doubt in my mind that the times that he was struggling and fighting the hardest as you kept a bedside vigil - in and out of consciousness, that Ben was there and with him (and you) every step of the way. I know this has been a journey you have chosen to share, and I'm so glad you did. There are so many of us that feel as though we know you, and not ever even met you. Thank you for opening up and being so real. Even if just for therapy - it wasn't just therapeutic for you! I am so admirable of you Crystal, because the times that you could've taken your grief a different way - you just didn't. You always chose to be brave. It's a wonder Sky always has too - he had a wonderful mentor as a mother, and so many people that love him!

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

will definitely miss the updates on your life with little Skylar! I know that I have been following for quite some time and feel like i know you in person.

I will be praying that God continue to keep His healing hand upon your sweet boy!

Niki said...

I will miss seeing the posts. I have been following your blog since the beginning. Best Wishes to you and Skyler.

Anonymous said...

Just stumbled on your website surfing with my I-pad. He is so grown up and looks wonderful. Hope he continues to grow and enjoy a beautiful life, that he deserves and you as well.

With much admiration

Robert

Katie said...

Hi Crystal and Skyler!

I hope all is well with both of you. I'm hoping that with no new posts that that means Skyler is doing fantasic and you guys are getting back to a new normal with school and everything else. I have followed Skylers story from almost the beginning as I have a son that is also 6 and was diagnosed with Leukemia a month before Skyler. Anyway... I miss your updates but I hope that means that all is well and you guys are having a great fall!

Take care!

Emily from SF said...

I hope you two are doing well! I just thought of you when coming across this post in Fast Company - http://www.fastcodesign.com/1670358/elegant-toys-that-explain-scary-medical-procedures-to-kids#1 - thought you might know some young kids who would appreciate it.
Best wishes, Crystal, I hope we'll get an update from you soon just to know that Skyler is still going strong!

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