I just want to start off saying that I HATE CANCER! It just seems like these past few weeks I have heard of too many little ones dying from this horrible disease. Each time I learn about another little innocent child who has lost their battle with cancer its like a giant kick in the gut. It literally makes me sick. I cant just hear about it and say "Thats so sad" and then go about my day like nothing has happened anymore. Its so personal to me now and I just sit here and ache for those families and for another life taken. This last boy I heard about kind of did a number on me because he reminded me too much of Skyler. Their stories are just too similar. I know we have been so blessed, Skyler is doing amazing right now but its so scary not knowing how all of this is going to turn out. We still have three years left of treatment and then a life time full of worrying about that dreaded "R" word. Relapse. I will never again just think "Oh he just has a cold, or he's just achy from a little bug" No, in the back of my mind I will always be thinking "Is this something more? Is it back?" Life will never be the same, and I fear I will always have this crazy cancer parent mind.
I have, however, learned just how precious life is. I really am so grateful for every minute I get to spend with Skyler. Even though I am so tired alot of the time and would just love to lay down and sleep, I think back to those awful months when I prayed with everything in me for just one more chance to play with Sky again and it quickly puts everything back into perspective. I get my second wind and go have fun with my son. Thats another thing I have learned, to have fun. I take the time now to actually play with him, laugh with him, and really have fun with him. Not only is he my son, he is also my best friend.
This last little while has been so hard on me mentally and emotionally. The reality and devastation of cancer is just so depressing. But I can also say that I have received more blessings in these past five and a half months than I ever have before. I put this quote on my wall a couple years ago and I think its so appropriate now. "Life is not about weathering the storm, it's about learning to dance in the rain."