Last night I took Skyler out in the halls for a walk.  Along the way I looked into one of the rooms and saw a little girl with no hair.  She was looking really pale and weak as she tried walking across her room attached to an IV pole.  I also saw an older girl walk down the hall dragging her IV pole behind her, she was limping a little and looked like she was in pain with every step.  As she stood next to the wall to get her height and weight done, she took off her beanie and I saw her balding head.  An overwhelming feeling of sorrow came over me, I just felt so bad for these two.  It felt like a scene out a movie.  I have seen a couple of different shows with kids that have had cancer and it was so sad and horrible looking.  And then it hit me, Im wheeling my son in a wheelchair because its too painful for him to walk, Im dragging an IV pole because my son is attached to it, my son is pale, he is weak, he has no hair, my son has CANCER.  This isnt a scene from a movie, this is our reality.  Skyler is no different from these kids, they are going through the same things.  I know we have been here for what seems like forever and it should have sunk in already, but our world changed so quick and I guess I have been caught up in taking care of all his new needs that I havent really sat down and thought about it.  Cancer is such a scary word.  It only happens to other people right?  You never think that it will happen to you, let alone your child.  Your little innocent child.  Its hard looking around in all the rooms and seeing so many children suffering.  There are kids that have been here for so long and cancer is just an everyday word, and they now call this place home, and then there are kids who are just barely hearing those awful cancer words and are just starting their journey down this road. 

 Everyday now Skyler cries to go home.  He doesnt understand why he still has to be at the "hostible" and why he cant go home to Grandma and Grandpa's.  I hate that I have to tell him he still has to stay here.  His numbers are looking good though so thats hopeful.  His bili is down to 2.9.  Im so relieved.  He still is having high fevers though which is a big  reason why he is still here, but at least they have an explanation for them.  He still has those necrotic places in his liver where the fungus was, and until they are completely gone, which will take months, he will still have fevers.  So more than likely we will be here for another couple of months.  Im starting to get sick of being here just as much as Sky.  I have to admit its starting to wear on me, so I can only imagine how Skyler is feeling.  I wish that once we do get to go home then that will be the end of this but I know thats not true.  We still have three years left of this.


I do know that enduring through all these years of chemo will make it so we can have fun times like these again for many years to come........