Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I took Skyler to get his first real haircut in over a year today.  He has always hated getting his haircut and used to always squirm around, but today he just sat there like a big kid and did so good.  I think he was just happy to go back to a place he used to go to.  Something normal he can do again.  It was really fun to be able to take him there today, but I do have to confess that I miss his little bald head.  When Skyler was first diagnosed I never thought I would ever say that because having him lose his hair was hard for me.  It made things more real.  But now that bald head means so much more to me, it symbolizes strength and courage and to me it makes them even more beautiful.  That old saying is so true, bald is beautiful.  Even though I miss that bald head I am grateful he has his hair back because that means he is farther along in treatment and that much closer saying goodbye to chemo forever!

He just looks so grown up to me in this picture.  Its moments like these that I sit back and wonder where my baby went.  Now that we are home and things are settling down a little bit more I sometimes think he should still be that little boy that he was before he was diagnosed.  But then I realize it has been a whole year and he has grown a ton, not just physically but he has also matured more because of all he has had to go through. 

We also went to a movie this week and out to eat.  Skyler chose Iggy's so thats where we went.  I dont like taking him out to eat just because I still get anxious taking him indoors around alot of people without a mask, but I put those feelings aside and took him anyway.  We pass this place every time we go to the store and he always would say "When I get to maintenance I really want to go there Mom."  He was so excited to finally be there and couldnt choose between the two things he wanted, so I said what the heck and let him order both meals.  I really didnt think he would eat them both but he actually did.  He has been a champ at eating lately.

And what's two meals without two deserts?

I also took him to a movie this week.  A new theater opened just down the street from my parents so we decided to check it out.  He chose to see Dolphin Tale in 3D.  He loves going to movies so he was so excited to go.  I love that I can take him to some of his favorite places again and do things he used to enjoy doing before cancer took over our lives.

On our way home we were talking about Skyler's game room.  He asked me "Mom when I go to heaven will all my games be up there waiting for me?"  I told him they probably would and he said "Sweet heaven is awesome!"  I also told him that in heaven there isnt any cancer or owies.  You should have seen the look on his face when I told him that, he was so happy.  He was even happier when I told him that there are no central lines or pokies there either.  It was the kind of happy like when you just tell your child they are going to Disneyland or something exciting like that.  He then looked up to the sky and smiled really big.  Talking about heaven with Skyler isnt an easy thing to do anymore.  I have always talked openly with him about heaven because he knows that's where his daddy is and when he misses him he askes alot of questions.  I get choked up even thinking about it now. Sometimes I wish I lived back in that world where ignorance is bliss and parents out living their children wasnt a possibility.  As hard as it is being thrown into this world of cancer, it has taught me just how lucky I am that I get the opportunity to take him to the movies or out to eat.  Even the littlest things and moments I cherish even more now. 

 Love you Skyler!


Erin said...

It sounds like you guys have had a great week!

I remember the first haircut after re-growth. It was a bag of mixed emotions, for the same reasons you mentioned.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your life with us, you and your angel on earth have made such an impact on so many peoples lives. Thank you!!

Rachel @ TalesOfGrace said...

He looks so grown up in that chair! So happy you guys are having some fun!!

Anonymous said...

You are amazing!! You have both been through so much, thanks for sharing!

susi and adam said...

such a sweet post. Thanks for sharing :)

Ashlee said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have followed Skyler for quite awhile now. I cut your brother-in-laws hair awhile back and he told me about this and your blog. Ever since I have always checked it. Your little boy is so inspiring and gives me so much hope in my life. I can see that he is such a fighter and so courageous. I also admire your strength. You have been through so much, more than I can ever imagine, but yet you seem so strong and help so many people. Thank you to you and Skyler for changing my life.