I finally have the answer to Skyler's mystery rash.  Psoriasis.

  On Thursday I took Sky up to clinic to have our oncologist look at the rash once more.  Something didn't feel right and I felt like this wasn't something that was just going to go away in a week or two.  I knew we were missing something.  Dr. Lemons took a look at his body and was blown away at how prominent it was and how much of his body it covered.  He didn't know what to make of it so he sent us right over to the University of Utah Hospital to have a dermatologist look at it.  The doctor only had to look at it for minute to know that it was psoriasis.  This was definitely not the answer I was looking for.  I actually have psoriasis myself so I know how annoying and awful it is.  I would almost it rather be the chicken pox, because if it was that it would go away within a couple weeks with antibiotics.  Psoriasis doesn't have a cure. It is a chronic autoimmune disease that causes an overgrowth of skin cells.  T cells invade the skin where they prompt your body to grow new skin cells faster than normal.  They also rush other cells to the site causing redness and inflammation.  The patches often itch or are painful to the touch.  I have been dealing with this since Skyler was in the PICU (mine was induced by stress) and it has been annoying, embarrassing, expensive and very depressing to deal with.  The days of swim suits, shorts and tank tops are long gone and I also now have psoriatic arthritis because of it.  I can barely open Skyler's pill bottles now to give him his daily antibiotics and chemo.  Its hard to feel sorry for myself though because what I have to go through is nothing compared to what Skyler has to go through on a daily basis.  But now on top of all that Skyler has to deal with having cancer, he also now has to deal with this.

I know I should be feeling grateful that this rash isn't something that is going to put him in the hospital but right now I'm not, I'm mad.  I haven't felt anger like this since Skyler was first diagnosed.  After the complete shock I felt as my world crumbled around me with the word cancer, I got very angry.  I was mad at the world and mad the lord would do this to my baby right after he just took his daddy away from us.  After Ben died suddenly from a heart tumor I prayed relentlessly that nothing like that would ever happen to my son.  I would pour my heart out every night and pray that he would keep Skyler safe and healthy and not let anything like what happen to Ben happen to him.  So you can only imagine the anger that filled my heart when I found out that my sweet little boy has cancer too.  Ben's tumor took him immediately, he didn't feel any pain.  But Skyler's cancer causes him to suffer everyday. How could a loving father in heaven do this to my son, the one person I asked him to protect?  Eventually my heart softened and I'm now grateful for the new outlook I have on life and am grateful for everyday that I have to spend with my son.  He could have so easily lost his life a year ago but he didn't.  His life was spared and for that I am eternally grateful. 

I still am very grateful for all the blessings that we have received throughout this journey, but right now the anger has returned.  Why does someone so young have to deal with so much?  Why has so much been thrown his way at the tender age of five.  I had tears streaming down my face today as I was putting the cream all over his body and he was screaming in pain.  When you put the cream on areas that are inflamed it feels like your skin is on fire.  It even hurts me and mine isn't all over my body like Skyler's is.  We sat on the floor and I held him until he stopped crying.  He then looked at me with tear streaked eyes and asked me why he has to hurt all the time.  I wish I knew the answer to that.  My heart hurts for him tonight.