I can't believe its been four years today since you have been gone. It still feels like yesterday that we said goodbye and Skyler and I gave you our last kiss as you lay there so still. I don't know why your journey here are earth was so short, perhaps it was to carry Skyler through his journey with cancer from heaven. Maybe it was your purpose to be with our son through those months in PICU when he was in his induced coma so you could comfort him and urge him to keep fighting. My only comfort through those agonizing days, weeks and months when his mind wasn't with me was knowing that he was probably getting to see his daddy again. Ben you would be so proud of our son. He is so strong and is handling everything that has been thrown at him with courage and an attitude that I know I couldn't have if I had to go through what he has been through. Its been so hard to do this without you, but its comforting to know that you are with him in a different sense and always watching over him. He is also so much like you. He has such a tender heart like you did. He loves giving presents and can never wait until the actual day of my birthday to give me his present, just like you. He also is so picky with his food and cant have anything touching each other on his plate. He definitely didn't get that from me because as you know I like to mush everything together. Its these little things that you used to do that make me smile and will always remind me of you.
We went to your grave today and Skyler gave you a pinwheel and some butterflies to make you smile. Ben, he loves you with all his heart and misses you so much. He still remembers playing with the hair on your chin and playing hide and seek from grandma Kathy under blankets. He tells me everyday how much he misses and loves you. Sometimes he even starts crying and says he cant go to sleep without a daddy. I tell him that you are always with him and that if he closes his eyes he can dream about playing with you again. Skyler is also pretty sure that you are working on making him a game room in heaven, so just a heads up in case you haven't started it yet :)
Ben I love you with all my heart. It will be a wonderful day in heaven when we get to see you again!
Love and miss you,