One thing that has been therapeutic for me lately is to make videos of Skyler's cancer journey. He is doing so well now that we have been able to resume some sort of a normal life. I feel like since things are pretty good now that I should be back to my normal self again and everything should be perfect, but the truth is emotionally I'm just not there yet. Even though its been over a year I feel like I am still trying to recover from what we went through. I think it will just take time to make those images and emotions I felt not so close to the surface anymore. At first I tried just blocking everything out of my mind and not looking at any pictures of what Skyler looked like when he was really sick, but I have learned with Ben's death that its better in the long run to deal with this kind of stuff head on. As I look through pictures now to use it helps me to remember that he did go through (excuse my language) hell and back, and just because he is doing well now it still doesn't erase what happened a year ago.
I found this song on another cancer cutie's blog and it brought me to tears. It's exactly how I felt those many nights that I prayed and plead for my Father in Heaven to spare my son's life.