Skyler has been doing so well.  He continues to be such a happy little boy and makes me laugh and smile everyday.  He has been eating wonderfully and has actually put on a little more weight.  He now has a little meat on his legs and bum and doesnt look like a starving child anymore.  If you didnt know he was battling cancer you wouldnt be able to tell at all just by looking at him.  He looks SO good.  He also has a heart of gold and keeps telling me all the time that he thinks Im the best mommy he has ever had.  It melts my heart everytime.

These past couple of weeks have been really weird for me though because I keep thinking Im forgetting something or think that we need to be somewhere.  Im so used to driving up to the hospital everyday that not having to has thrown me for a loop.  We have stopped his meropenem so I only have to hook him up to an IV med once a day, which is really weird also.  I keep waking up in the middle of the night and panic thinking I forgot to hook him up but then remember I dont have to.  Its also weird for Skyler too.  He keeps asking me "Uh mom, arent you supposed to start my infusion now?"  Its so nice to be able to tell me no and to hear him say "Sweet!"

One thing that has been super frustrating these past couple of weeks is that I have started having really bad anxiety attacks.  They started out just when Im driving but now they happen when Im at the store too.  They have become more and more frequent and its been so hard getting anything done.  I have no idea whats triggering them because I love driving and I love getting out and going to the stores.  I physically get really sick and feel like I have to pass out.  I have always been anxious when Im around big crowds but I have never experienced anything like this before.  I know I have been under alot of stress and havent gotten enough sleep but this is the best Skyler has been since diagnosis and we are finally in a good spot so Im really confused at whats causing them.  I only bring this up because I want to share how great of a little caretaker Skyler has been for me.  He knows when I am having them because I either have to pull over or turn right around and go home.  The other day when I had a bad one he said "Mom Im so so sorry you are sick, I wish I could take it away from you."  He also told me to go lay down and then went and got me his most comfy blanket and put it over me.  He also went and got me a drink of ice water and a straw and also a Popsicle because he said those things help him feel better so they will make me feel better too.  Then he said "Mom I hope you feel better soon because you deserve it."  He is the sweetest little boy and has taken such good care of me.  I am the luckiest mommy in the world to have him as my son.  He knows all too well about being sick so he is very sympathetic and compassionate to those that are sick too.  Whenever he sees a picture of his cancer buddies getting chemo or sick in ICS he says he wishes that he could make them better.  He knows more than a five year old should ever have to.